Clear and effective communication is the foundation of relationship. It’s like the oil that keeps all the parts moving smoothly and sufficiently in the same direction.
We are born with the capacity to communicate. Initially through primal, instinctive expression of our needs and eventually through a more conscious use of words, actions, emotions and sensitivities. If we successfully expand our capabilities, we learn that communication is two-way and not just an expression of our own needs and wants.
Powerful communicators not only use the obvious ‘tools’ for building effective understanding, but they also activate a deeper emotional intelligence and the power of sensing. Attuning to the unspoken as well as the spoken. In this way communication expands to include the individuals within the relationship – two or more – and the group field itself. This group field may be a partnership of two people, a group or team or a family. Expanding it further it is also an organisation, a nation and indeed Humanity itself.
In any communication we are dealing with the visible and the invisible. Alongside the words and behaviours there are perceptions, suppositions, assumptions, beliefs and biases. There are also intentions – sometimes well-meaning and at other times strategically applied to mislead and control. Unless we engage our ability to attune more deeply, we are only ever in a transactional level of communication – working across the surface of what is really needed to open true relationship. This is where, then, so much gets lost in translation and this is where the danger lies.
For our world to thrive we must build strong relationships across groups at all levels and of all sizes. That doesn’t mean no conflicts, it means having the communication skills and ability to build understanding when conflicts arise. Whether they exist in sibling dynamics or inter-nation peace talks, the only route to success is a mutual desire to seek better understanding – each of the other. This doesn’t have to be full agreement. Seeking understanding means willingness to open up our perspectives, have our assumptions altered and deepen to a new level of acceptance of the other.
It is in seeking understanding that new ways forward, solutions or acceptance, can arise.
As someone working to become ever more fluent and proficient in another country’s’ language I am all too aware of the risks of not understanding everything and of course this is just at the transactional level. It makes me rely even more on my sensing ability – to go beyond the words themselves and seek the bigger view. To bring together words and energy.
If we want to move toward a greater level of peace and overcome the knife edge of danger present in our world today, it is vital that we reflect on our communication practices and be honest with ourselves about the degree to which we are gliding superficially and therefore failing to build the greater field in which conflicts can be resolved. Or maybe we are already very proficient – in which case we have a responsibility to help others to enter that space with us – as leaders, parents, friends and siblings.