Emotional intelligence is increasingly seen as a cornerstone of modern and successful leadership. Whilst some leaders excel instinctively in this area, most must embark on a conscious and lifelong journey to steadily increase their awareness, understanding and practise as they embrace not only emotional intelligence but convert that to emotional maturity.
Any study or research you may do in this area will list many qualities, practises and capabilities that make up emotional intelligence. One of the starting points though is our ability to enter the world of emotions and feelings, and to become comfortable acknowledging their presence – in us and others and the impacts they may be having. This alone can feel like a very uncomfortable and even scary step for many leaders – especially in a work environment, though not only here.
Opening the box on feelings and emotions means we also have to be able to hold them within a sphere of discernment, consideration and perspective. Being buffeted by feelings – ours or others – can lead us to make choices and decisions that are reactions rather than responses. It is only as we become more familiar with our own emotional vehicle and the triggers that bring forward feelings – joyful and difficult – that we come to understand our own instrument.
From there we stand a chance of being able to relate with others from a more discerning, objective perspective when they are experiencing their own emotions and feelings, and to be useful in the situation rather than see everything through our own personal or reactive lens. In using the words ‘discerning’ and ‘objective’ that of course does not mean aloof, judging or distanced. Being able to see and connect with another’s responses and reactions whilst also noticing how we are handling the situation is about maturity not denial or judging or a lack of compassion.
Imagine all of this then in a group and team situation where the emotions and feelings at play are multiplied. The leadership needed here is to help create the container and space within which there is psychological safety and trust to express what needs to be expressed, to hear and receive what is really intended and to work together toward a higher insight.
Many groups struggle in this area – it can seem like an intimidating space – especially if we haven’t done our own personal work. And yet, stepping into the positive fire of working with the feelings present in individuals within groups without it becoming a therapy session is a vital step in group and team development. Often called ‘difficult conversations’ or ‘dealing with conflict’ at its base level it’s firstly about seeing each other as human beings.
Every member of any team or group is first and foremost a human being dealing with their own persona, strengths, challenges, hopes and fears – no matter what level of seniority they have. What often happens is that with longevity of time and seniority of role we may become more skilled at pushing things away/narrowing the emotional band within which we outwardly function. This merely stifles rather than liberates and releases creativity and potential.
Imagine one of the team members arrives at a meeting feeling pretty out of sorts emotionally. How likely would you be as a leader to stop the meeting and support the team member as a group and then, if appropriate, continue? How often is that check in done as a team – ‘how are we all doing today?’ – where real answers and openness can come forward? Again that’s not to say that every meeting becomes a group therapy session. Each person retains responsibility for their own emotional management journey. It is however important for high team performance that a person, when needed, can share their fears, upsets, concerns and highs and have them heard, held and supported within the team environment.
With this as a foundational base the team is then challenged to go further and enter the space where challenges or conflicts emerge at a personality level. At this point, the collective emotional intelligence is invited to rise to holding open, honest, transparent and creative conversations that bring forward new potential. Acknowledging differences, empathising with other perspectives, seeing the higher, joint purpose, and working toward a collaborative solution – behavioural and/or task related that reveals the true potential of the group.
Achieving these two stages remains a key programme of work for most teams and groups. They don’t represent the final destination but are very important steps toward true high performance. Underpinning all of it, is the individual and collective willingness to enter the field of emotional intelligence and maturity in service of releasing true potential.