Some recent conversations have reminded me again of how communication, the words we use, the energy behind them, and the context in which they’re set can easily undermine rather than achieve our intention.
For me this is all about the framing.
Time poor, results challenged leaders may feel they don’t have time to think carefully about what they say and how, or whether it is suited to the audience, moment, setting. Yet that may mean creating (even more) time for repair work down the line.
Consider…
Our intention may be to learn more through our questions, to expand our understanding – yet somehow the enquiry may feel like an inquisition to the receiver.
Constructive feedback may be about helping growth and development, but it can be a minefield. We have to find the balance between clarity and kindness (the latter even if we’re talking ‘tough love’) so the other person can truly hear it, be inspired to work with it, and us, rather than feeling attacked.
We might not have taken different cultural backgrounds into account. Whether others are socialised in a more or less direct communication style. Or the preferences of the person we’re communicating with, introvert/extrovert et al.
Lack of context – what we want to talk about, why it matters, where it connects – means our communication will fail to land or enable meaning to be made.
As a coach, I’ve worked with leaders who’ve been caught in these issues. No doubt we will all have encountered and been challenged by them at some point.
The thing is, to get the outer framing of our communication right we need to assure the health of our inner frame – being conscious of our internal state. Our emotions managed, empathy and compassion engaged. Positive regard for, and goodwill toward the other. An intention, devoid of self-interest, for the best possible outcome for others.
How often do we check in with ourselves before stepping into an interaction? It might take a bit more time and will surely be worth it.